I trusted my heart and listened to its poetic tales telling me to remain open and bathe in love.

Yet since then I have learned that love is heaven and hell, the peaks and the valleys, the warmth of a mother’s bosom and the scorn of a wise master.
I have learned that love is not always received and that to be of love, it must always be present within, not necessarily given, but radiated.

I have seen love create greed, jealousy, loss of self worth, and I have seen love take one to the moon and crown them king of the stars.
There is even a time I abandoned love all together, breaking the contract signed when I chose the path of the seeker, and found myself thirstier than a desert shrub.

If love is the reason for particles to find each other and animate this human body, this Earth and the celestial bodies, and everything in between, then why do I find myself once again disappointed, dismembered and disjointed.
Why do I suffer to remain open, prying the gilded bars of my ego that so often feel so safe.
Why when I have traveled beyond the reaches of my conditioning and declared that I am ready, to be love, to see love, to live love.

The more I know the less I understand and in times like this I can only remind my self that although the pains are deeper, and the troughs are steeper, I am a man blessed with the calling to heal, and my gains are greater.
I am a child of regeneration, evolution and transcendence. I am an ocean of stillness and a universe of gratitude.

I will endure and trust, and rest in this heart that has ripped me apart and sewed empty spaces, so that I may always find refuge within.
I am of love, I am of peace, I am of abundance.
Onward, charged yet poised, I’ll go.
Onward, broken but rooted, I’ll grow.

Amen.